Heavy.

Disclaimer: This post isn't being written by my normal, generally happy self. 

I just need to vent a little bit.

Today is Friday, and looking back at the week I just had, I think to myself, "I am SO over it."

Yeah, it's been one of those weeks.

I've had a lot on my mind lately, and I am having a difficult time sorting through everything.

I'm in a serious funk.

Since bringing Benny home (whom I absolutely love and adore, don't get me wrong), I haven't gotten much sleep. He is still such a "baby" puppy, and being away from his litter mates has been super duper challenging, for him and for us. Poor baby just cries all night long, every night. The first night we had him he did very well, I think it was because he was absolutely exhausted from the day. The next night, however, he woke up on the hour every single hour from 11PM to 5AM. Literally all night long. DJ was so good and got up with him all but once, but this resulted in my having to sleep on the floor with Benny all night long the following night. Finally, we ended up putting him in another room for the night, but we can still hear him. So I am extremely exhausted.

The most pressing issue on my mind is the matter of trying to have a baby again. We have one more month until we are free and clear, according to doctor's orders. I have ZERO patience here. I just want to get this show on the road! I am ready, but DJ is adamant that we wait until I am cleared by the doctor. I totally know that this is what I need to do, but accepting that is challenging. Patience has never been my strong suit. I really REALLY want to have a baby. But then I am totally conflicted because the thought of getting pregnant again is just about paralyzing. I can't even begin to describe how scared I am that we will lose another baby. I totally believe that being positive and thinking positive thoughts returns positive outcomes, but I can't help but let this scary thought enter my mind every now and then (example: this past week). I am hoping and praying that things will go well with this next pregnancy, and I know that I really really have to think positive. It's just hard.

Well that's the end of my rant. I suppose that helped. I am very very excited for this week to be over, and I know that things will get better. It always gets better.